Realistic Goals

So this week I was approached by my husband who so tenderly let me know that he thought the goal weight that I had in mind was unrealistic. I had finally come up with weighing somewhere between 165 lbs and 175 lbs. I remembered when I weighed this amount and I liked the way my body looked. That became my number. I didn't have any other information to get this number, it just seemed like a good number.

I spoke to my trainer about it, which if I can stop here a moment and just give her kudos. 

Lori is the most awesome person. She has been with me from the beginning. She has always pushed me past what I thought I could do. She has believed in me, when I didn't believe in myself. Lori has a genuine concern for my health and well-being. The care that she has had for me is simply amazing. I am blessed to have her in my life and am so happy that I can call her friend. 

So as I was saying, I spoke to Lori about what would be a reasonable goal for me. She asked me what I wanted my body fat to be. "I don't know. Who walks around knowing what they want their body fat to be." She gave me a scale of different body fat percentages and I chose 20% body fat. She then calculated my lean body mass. This is what I need to live: organs, blood, bones, muscle and skin. Basically everything but fat. To my surprise, for me this is 157 lbs. So if I had absolutely no fat on my body, I'd still weigh 157 lbs. (I told my hubby I was 'big boned'.) With 20% body fat my goal weight is 195 lbs. That is considered a fitness build.

Now you may ask, what made me choose 20%. They truth is 24%, which is still fitness build, would put me at 206 lbs. Quite frankly, I don't want a 2 in front of my weight. Rationally, I understand that I am almost 6 feet tall and that I have a large frame. Even though I would weigh 206 lbs, I wouldn't look like it. My body would be lean and fit, but for me there's just something about me weighing 200 lbs that I just don't like. I realize it's all mental and I am comfortable being only a few lbs less than 200 lbs while I figure out why it's such a big deal.

With that said, my new 'realistic' goal is 195 lbs. I currently weigh 237 lbs. I am 42 lbs away from my goal weight! That's so close I can taste it! It's like I am in a triathlon. I am about to finish the first race. Then I'll move on to muscle tone and fat decrease. Finally, I end in maintenance. It's all about endurance now.

Below you'll see my current 4 month pics. Thanks for allowing me to share my journey.

FAQs

Hi everyone! It's been a few weeks since my last blog. I'm working to get back to posting at least once a week. Please be patient with me. I've decided to make the theme of this blog FAQs or Frequently Asked Questions. So here I will share with you all the answers to the questions I get about my journey. Ready?! Here we go:

1. How much weight have you lost? To date, I have lost 78 lbs
2. How much do you weigh? 247 lbs
3. How long have you been on your journey? Since October 27 (Surgery Date). Next week will be 4 months.
4. How often do you workout? I workout 5 days week, Monday-Friday. I have 2 rest days (Saturday and Sunday).
5. How long are your workouts? I workout out with a trainer 3 days a week for 60 min, plus 2 days a week I do an hour of cardio, 3 days a week I do 3 hours of cardio (broken down into morning and night). So anywhere from 2-4 hours a day.
6.  What do you do during your workouts? For cardio I do: swimming, cycle, Zumba, P90X DVDs and my newest is a hip hop class. With the trainer I do a lot of core work, abs, weights, exercise on the exercise ball (too much for me to remember). I just show up, do what she says and wait for her to tell me we are done.
7. Do you regret having the surgery done? Not at all. Knowing everything I know now, I would do again in a heartbeat. It gave me the help I needed to get on track and now I am able to control my life.
8. What's the thing you like best about having the surgery? Well of course the weight loss. It's pretty awesome to see your body change from week to week. 
9. What's the most frustrating thing about having the surgery? Not being able to guzzle down a 16 oz bottle of water in 2 min. Because my stomach is so small, I have to take small sips frequently. 
10. Do you miss the old food you used to eat? Not really. I remember how things taste, but now I look at it so differently. How something is going to affect my body is my number one concern when eating now.
11. What is the biggest change in you? How I look at food. I use food as fuel now. Eating is not an event anymore. It's something I have to do in order to live. Simply put.
12. Have you suffered any side-affects? Yes. I am lactose-intolerant at the moment (they tell me it may change later). I'm having some hair loss. This is because of the rapid weight loss. It should start growing back when I hit my 6 month mark (the cool thing is no one can see it). My taste buds have changed drastically. I have a very delicate pallet. I don't eat a lot of strong flavors. I hardly eat any meat. I eat turkey maybe once a week. So seafood it is!
13. What size are you wearing now? I wear a Lane Bryant 14/16 top and a 20 bottom. I think I can go to 18 though, I'm just not ready. I can wear an XL top in Old Navy.
14. How are you emotionally? I am the best I have been yet! Like ever! I mean I was smaller before but I wasn't fit and my inner being wasn't as healthy.
15. Do you cook different meals for your family? No. What I cook is what everyone eats. My family has been very supportive of me and they don't gripe about the lack of junk in the house.
16. What do you eat now? I can pretty much eat anything I want. I don't eat sugar because it creates fat. I don't eat hardly any bread. It fills me up way too fast. I still do about 2 protein supplements a day to compensate for my lack of traditional meat.
17. What's your goal weight? This, I can't seem to decide. As I see the changes in my body, my answer changes. I'll say between 165-185 lbs (I'm 5'10'' so there's really no getting smaller than that for me).
18.  Do you have a goal size? Yes. I want to go into ANY store and wear a size large.

Whew! That's about all. If you have more questions just send them to me and I'll answer them. I have a NSV (Non-Scale Victory) to share before I go. I am able to fit into my hubby's clothes. This is probably the most exciting thing for me. When your lounging around the house, sometimes there's nothing more comforting than your husband's jersey or sweatshirt. That's all, until next time...

3 Month Update (new pics)

Mental-Diet-Exercise! That really sums up the key to this whole weight loss thing (in that order). The issue is most of us don't get past the mental or we try them out of order. We change our diet but we don't exercise. Or we exercise and eat the same crap. All the while we haven't had that 'Ah ha' moment. We haven't dealt with what got us to the point of the excess weight. A lot of the time, it's because we don't know where to start.

When I started my journey I was soooo scared. I new that this was it! I had to do it this time. Through much prayer and fasting I made some requests to God. I literally cried my heart out, explaining to Him how I had had enough and I needed Him to really come through this time. I asked Him:

1. To give me the drive to never give up.
2. To not allow me to crave the things that would stop or stall my journey.
3. To not allow me to have any side affects
4. To reprogram my mind toward food
5. To heal my body from all ailments that would cause me not to reach my goal.

The awesome thing is...He heard me (and pitied every groan)!!!!!! He promised me that if I tried my very best, He would bless my efforts.  He has been so faithful. He has blessed me with such a drive, that it's as if my life depended on it. The funny thing is, it does. I am healthy and my mind is renewed. I don't even desire to have the bad foods. Now don't get me wrong, I may say, "Wow I wish I could eat a burger." However the thoughts that immediately follow are, "How much would I have to workout to burn that? That grease would probably make me sick. I'll probably get a headache afterward, then I'll be tired. It is soooo not worth it."

Who is this woman? The dialogue that goes on in my mind now is so different. I am no longer satisfying my addiction, but I am taking control of my body. I am cleaning my temple and showing it who is in charge. Everyday I am re-inviting God in. It reminds me of the show 'Clean House'. Family members of the homeowners come over but they don't stay as long. It's so uncomfortable to be there but they love their family member so they still come. After the house is clean, the homeowner is so eager to show them the house. Just as I am opening doors to rooms that God never could come in because it was filled with food, with a lack of self-worth, with pity. I can hardly show Him one room, before running to the next and opening the door. I am free! I am happy! I am content in state I am in.

These past 3 months have been challenging, but if it doesn't cost you anything, is it worth anything? It cost me not so much blood, but much sweat and tears. I am happy to say that after 3 months I have lost 69.4 lbs and I give all glory to GOD!!!!! His love for me is amazing and I am overwhelmed by His grace towards me. I still have a ways to go on this journey but I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! Phillipians 4:13

Update

Well it's been a little while since I've blogged, so I thought I'd catch you up. First, Happy New Year! I did indeed hit my goal of 50 lbs gone in 2011. That was amazing. I was so excited. I am still on the fitness bandwagon. I workout 5 days a week Mon-Fri. 3 of those days I do an additional workout in the evening. Working out has really become a part of me. I don't make excuses of why I can't, I just do it. I know that it is needed to hit my goals. I don't believe I have ever had the determination that I have now.

I feel absolutely amazing. I have waaaaaaayyyyy more energy. I don't have the pain as bad in my knees when climbing stairs. My body is literally being sculpted in front of my eyes. It's amazing to see the changes from week to week. Hubby is very happy! :) I currently am wearing an 18 in shirts and a 20 in pants. I have yet to buy any 20s though. My 22s are sagging pretty badly now, so I think it's time I took another trip to the store.

Today I hit another milestone, I have lost a total of 60.4 lbs!!!! I decided to look up things that weigh 60 lbs. Here's what I found:

• The average 9 year old boy
• 6-10 lb bags of potatoes
• 5 adult 10 pin bowling balls (the BIG ones) 
• 3 car tires
• 6 fat cats
• 2 microwaves
• about 8 gallons of milk
• 240 sticks of butter
• Christopher holding a 15 lb dumbell

I am mighty proud of myself. I currently weigh. 264.6 lbs. If you recall, before I was subtracting 5 lbs from my weight to account for the difference when I switched scales. Well, that got old. I know my new scale is the right weight because it matches my doctor's office. So...what I did was I changed my start weight. If I had my current scale when I started my journey, I would have weighed 325 lbs (yikes). So now, no more calculating at the scale. I know...why am I still talking about those 5 lbs. I worked for them and I can't let them go away because I got a new scale. It's just part of my process.

January 31st I will be posting more before and after pics so stay tuned. I am hoping to lose 9.6 more lbs by then. That would put me at a 20 lb mark for the month and a 70 lb loss in 3 months. It's pretty ambitious but I'm up for the challenge. Thanks for all of the support and accountability!

                                                    DETERMINATION!!!!!

The best gift ever!!!

(I am really tired, but I wanted to get this out. If it sounds like I'm rambling, I am. I promise my next post will be better.)

So it's been a while since I have blogged. I have been quite busy with holiday preparations. During this time I have stayed on my plan and have been doing really well. I am stronger. I am killing my workouts and food has no control over me. I am in such a great place. I have went down 2 sizes. This lifestyle change has really happened. My family and friends have been so supportive. I am truly thankful to God for what is happening in my life.

The scale and I are friends again. I found an app on my phone that allows me to track my weight loss. It has allowed me to get over the whole 5 lb difference. Now I just step on the scale subtract 5 lbs and plug into my app. Sounds simple now, but it took a lot to get to this point.

Well, this Christmas has been different from every other Christmas. I was not excited about any gift under the tree. My excitement came from the realization of the gift I had given myself. I am finally making me first. I am taking care of my body. I am feeling good about the way I look. I am excited about the gift of me! Because of my lifestyle change I will live longer and enjoy more in life. It's better than anything I could ever ask for.

My 2 month pictures are below. To date, I have lost 46.4 lbs (I took these pics yesterday). I only need to loose 3.6 more lbs to reach my goal of losing 50 lbs in 2011. I got this!

Taking a Break From the Scale

So I have decided to take a break from the scale for awhile. It all started last Saturday. My scale which read 283 lbs (total loss of 37 lbs) started to give me an error message. I went to WalMart and bought another scale with a few more bells and whistles than my old one. Well, when I got this scale home it said that I weighed 288 lbs. Oh no, no, no, no, no! So I called the company to see if I could change the reading so that I could stay on track. They took me through the process of caliberating the scale only for it to add ANOTHER pound. Needless to say, I took it back and exchanged it for the exact same scale that I had before. This one was 3 lbs off but doable.

Now some may say, "It's only 5 lbs. Why don't you just subtract 5 lbs from whatever the scale says?" While this is quite logical, I can't do it. I know that I lost those 5 lbs and I want the satisfaction of seeing those pounds gone. What my eyes are seeing is not lining up with what my mind is computing and this really bothers me. So as I'm thinking about how big of a deal I have made these 5 lbs, I realize that I have negated all of the other successes on my journey. This is not just about weight loss. It's about my quality of life getting better.  So I began to list other measurables of success:

1. At 320 lbs there were only 4 towels in my house that I could use that could wrap all the way around me. Now there are many towels that I can use.
2. Sunday I wore a pair of jeans that I hadn't been able to wear (and they were baggy).
3. There has been chocolate in my house for about 2 weeks and I have not touched one bit!
4. My endurance level has skyrocketed. My recovery between exercises is so quick.
5. I wore 4 inch heels on Sunday. Normally, I would have come home hardly able to walk. With the extra weight gone and the strengthening of my knees wearing the heels was FAR less painful.
6. I have dropped 2 jean sizes and 1 shirt size.

I've got alot to be proud of and I won't overlook these things because of a scale hiccup. Therefore, I will not be weighing in again until my 2 month anniversary. I will measure my success through my clothes and how I feel. I will work on my mind and gain a healthy relationship with the scale. I have a plan. I am working that plan. The scale has no power over me!

       

1 Month Post-Op Pics

So Thanksgiving just passed, the holiday that every new bariatric surgery patient dreads. Because I wasn't involved in the normal 3-day preparation of food, I really had a lot of time to reflect. I must say that I am most thankful for my lifestyle change. It's amazing how my life really has changed. I read so many posts on Facebook about how people couldn't wait to eat this or that. I was just excited about getting together with a lot people. On Thanksgiving morning I worked out! This is sooooooo different from my former life. I felt so good and there was no way I was wasting that on some pie.

I did well at Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn't bothered with all the food until it was time to make my plate. I started to feel so much anxiety. My neck got hot and I started sweating. I took a couple of deep breaths and proceeded on. I grabbed my dessert-sized plate and got about a forkful of the things I chose. I waited for my husband to finish making his plate so that I wouldn't go to the table alone. I don't know if I felt more anxiety over eating or the fact that my plate didn't look like all the others. I really didn't feel like explaining everything to these people I had just met. I ate about half of the food on the plate and was full. Wow. Thanksgiving just lost it's luster. I had no sweets as they are my kryptonite.

I made it. I got through my first big holiday after bariatric surgery. I didn't eat too much. I recognized my anxieties and dealt with them in a healthy manner. This journey is as much a mental one as it is a physical one. There are so many old behaviors that have to be shed and new mindsets that have to be put on. Bariatric surgery is not to be taken lightly.

Well today marks one month since I have had my surgery. To date I have lost 28 lbs and a whole lot of inches. I am very pleased with my progress so far. I am following my plan and I workout 5 times a week. These things together have been the catalysts to my success. The surgery was just the beginning. I must be intentional everyday about what I eat. I have to make a decision to workout. Well...seeing is believing...

Yayyyyy Me!!!!!!

One of my pet peeves...

So one of my biggest pet peeves is when parents stop using car seats on children too early. Having 3 kids myself, I understand the labor involved in strapping kids in properly. More importantly I understand these safety measures are protecting my children. Here is a list of the issues that really bother me regarding child safety seats:

1. Infant Car Seats: If I am able to move the base of your infant car seat from side to side, it is not in properly. The base should not move at all. It should also be grounded with the tether system. Those are those extra straps that many people just throw in the hole where the seat belt goes.  According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), 3 out of 4 car seats are improperly installed.
2.  Rear-Facing or Not: Children should be rear facing until they are 1 year old and weigh at least 20 lbs. I'm sorry if little James has long legs, cross them at his ankles and he will be okay and a lot safer. 
3. Booster Seat Start: Most booster seats are made for children weighing 40 lbs or more. Stop putting your 4 year old that weighs 30 lbs in a booster seat. That booster seat was not designed for their weight. Safety first!
4. Booster Seat End: According to MD state law (where I live, so it's the state I'll quote) every child under 8 years old must ride in an appropriate child restraint unless the child is 4 feet, 9 inches or taller, or weighs more than 65 pounds. So if your 10 year old weighs 60 lbs, they need to be in a booster seat. They will not think it's cool, but who's the parent? 
5. No Seat Belt At All: According to MD state law, every child 8 and above who is not secured in a child restraint must be secured in a vehicle seat belt. It's not okay for a child to be leaning from the back on the middle console talking to you.

These things sound really simple, but there are too many people that are not properly restraining their children. It doesn't matter if you are going on a road trip or around the corner to the store, please be responsible. These measures have been set in place to protect your child. Still not moved to see if your child is in the correct safety seat? Well let me ask you this, are ready to be the blame of their death in the event of an accident?

A Stroll Through My Mind...

One of the questions that my therapist asked me in our last session was if I regretted having the surgery. I can honestly say that I have not felt any regrets during any part of the process so far. Knowing all that I know now, I would absolutely do again.

Today I went to a support group for bariatric surgery. Oh my goodness! It was phenomenal. There were people there that hadn't had surgery, all the way to 2 years post-op. Such a wealth of information filled the room. I gleaned so much from just listening. You guys know I love to talk, so it had to be some good stuff. I definitely will be attending every group opportunity that I am physically able to attend. In this journey, you feel like you are doing a lot of explaining to people that can hardly fathom what you're going through. Having people that are right there with me, I know is going to prove to be my most valuable resource.

Well, a lot of people are asking me what is my goal weight. I don't know that I have a concrete goal weight. I definitely can't wait to get to Onederland (the 1 hundreds). But I think I'd like to be about a 14. Maybe a 12. For my height, both of those are very good sizes. The more I think about it, I really want to enter almost any store and be able to buy clothes. Having been limited to just a few stores for so long, I know that would make me happy. More importantly than weight and size though, I have other goals. Here goes a few off of my list. I'll share them periodically:

1. I want to go to an amusement park and not have fear of whether I will fit in a ride.
2. I would like to cross my legs comfortably. You know and the leg actually fall beside the other leg. 
3. I'd like to wear a shirt and not have to constantly worry about pulling it down over my butt because part of it has gotten wedged between one of my rolls. Real Talk!
   
4.  I'd like to go on a nice jog with my husband.
5. I want to be a role model for my girls in health and body.

Well that's it for now. This week I am 3 weeks post-op and I weigh 294 lbs. That's a 26 lb weight loss total. Tomorrow will be my 5th consecutive day of working out. I am doing great!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

That's what I said when I got on the scale on Sunday and I was 295.8 lbs. I had gained 3 lbs. Of course I went into panic mode. What did I do wrong? Did I eat too much? (Really? I don't know why this thought came.) My mind went straight back to my past attempts at weight loss. I remembered how I would lose only to gain it all back. Then I stopped and took a deep breath. I told myself to relax and I got dressed for church.

During church the singers sang a song that said, "Because you are with me, I will not fear." Fear had gripped me. I wasn't enjoying the now, because I was fearful of the 'what ifs.' At that point, I gave all my fears to God. I prayed and told Him to take over. Because you are with me, I will not fear. Then later in the service they sang "Moving Forward." A perfect song to seal the commitment that I had just made with Christ. The service ended and I felt great. People complimented me on the weight loss and I left on cloud 9.

Monday I met with my personal trainer for the first time. I was sucking wind the entire workout, but hey I finished. She told me that the gain could have been a number of factors, to include water retention. I was further soothed with her words. This along with the church service really set me up for my counseling session with my therapist.

In my therapy session I told her about the anxiety I would get when eating. Which I know was fear of gaining. She explained to me that with any major change, there is always going to be some anxiety. She also reminded me that it had only been 2 weeks since my surgery. My mind and my body were both still adjusting to this drastic change. We went on to talk about measures I had in place to ensure my success. So now if I become anxious I will remind myself that God is with me and I have a plan in place. I'm taking one day at time and I am not concerned with anything past this day that I am in.

So far so good. Today was great. I did spin class (still sucking wind) but I finished. I weigh 295.2 lbs and I am content. 


 

The Battle of the Mind

So a 27 lb loss is something to be happy about, but I am haunted with the feeling that I will gain the weight back. It's real! I have such anxiety every time I eat. "Is this going to make me gain? Did I eat too much? I hope I don't stretch out my pouch?" It's irrational to think that I could even gain at this point, with the small amounts I'm able to consume. But the thoughts are still there. Eating is not enjoyable at all. Which is comforting in a way, but not healthy.

I have an appointment scheduled with my therapist on Monday. I also have a support group meeting on Thursday.  I know they both will help a lot. I was reminded by a friend this week that there are 2 processes going on. The process of me losing weight and the process of healing what caused the weight gain. In order to be successful the 2 cannot be separated. This really is a lifestyle change. I have to change what I eat, the amount I eat, when I eat, and most importantly how I think. I am constantly reminding myself of 1 scripture in particular Ephesians 4:22-23-"That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness."

The battle continues...

Bye-Bye 300s!!!!

It has been 2 weeks since my surgery. This week I have been eating pureed foods. It's a little weird but doable. I still have at least 2 protein shakes a day to ensure I'm getting an adequate amount of protein. Actually eating real food has given me a little anxiety. I still haven't felt hungry yet. I know that I need to get the right amount of protein in each day, but it's hard to eat when you are not hungry. I mean, that's what got me in this situation in the first place. So I stop eating when I'm full and just sip the protein shakes throughout the day. This is also what my doctor recommended. My pouch (my new stomach) can be stretched if filled with too much.

I had my post-op appointment yesterday and everything is going well. My incisions are closed and the doctor has given me the go ahead to take it up a notch in my exercise. I have been walking everyday for 20 minutes so I will increase that to 30 minutes. I still can't do any ab or core exercises because I'm still healing on the inside. My main guidance has been to listen to my body. If I feel pain, I must stop immediately. Pretty easy. I can only lift up to 5 lbs, so no major weight lifting yet. My energy level changes everyday. Some days I feel really good and other days I feel weak and lethargic. This is my body's way of reminding me that I just had surgery. On those days, I lay in bed and really get rest. I have been diligent in listening to my body and my doctor's instructions. To that I attribute my success.

To date I have lost........drum roll please.............27.2 lbs!!!! I weigh 292.8 lbs!!!! I am beyond excited. My goal was to have lost 20 lbs by November 27th. I have passed that goal and I still have 2 weeks before my 1 month anniversary.

You don't understand how it feels to weigh under 300 lbs. The day I hit 300 lbs was a pretty bad day. It was so depressing to think that I was morbidly obese. This fat could really kill me! I had moved to the category with the "really" big people. For the first time I didn't share my weight with my husband. I had to have been in the 300s for about 6 months before I told him. So to be under 300 lbs and a nice distance from it, is so refreshing. I bought myself a little clothing today as a reward. A far cry from what I used to do. I would have gotten a like it size founder's favorite from Cold Stone in the past. That was the old Syree. "Hello" to the new me and "Bye-Bye" 300s!!!

When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

It's been 1 loooooooooooooonnnng week since my surgery. I am feeling good. I am actually writing this from my hospital bed. It's a long story so I'm going to pause for a minute and do chronological overview of the days.

Thursday: Surgery day and everything went well. I was in a good bit of pain but was given a pain pump which I used. I was able to walk down the halls.
Friday: Pain wasn't as bad. I walked more and was sipping broth and water. While in the hospital my diet was clear liquids.
Saturday: Was released from the hospital and sent home. I'm now able to have a full liquid diet (which added milk, sugar free popsicles, yogurt). I was so excited to be home. Hubby was awesome getting me all set up in our room.
Sunday: Feeling good enough for some exercise. I took a 10 minute walk with hubby and felt amazing. I was tolerating the diet and vitamins really well. I'm still in awe at the fact that I hadn't felt hungry.
Monday: Started off great. I did a 15 min walk. I was taking my pills and vitamins on time. My pain was being controlled well with the medication. At about 5:00 pm I started feeling nauseous. I tried to take the nausea medication and threw it up. I wasn't able to tolerate water either. I laid down and decided I would try to drink again when it was time for my pain medication. I tried again and was unsuccessful. I laid down for another 4 hours and tried again only to dry heave more.
Tuesday: At 1:00 am I called the surgeon. At this point I was able to take small sips of water. The nurse called me back at 4:00 am and told me to call the clinic at 8:00 am to be seen. The clinic was unable to see me and told me to go to the ER. I arrived at the ER at 10:30 am. They gave me IV fluids, pain and nausea medicine intravenously. I started to feel better almost immediately. Later that day, they tried to get me to take oral medication. I immediately got nauseous. They decided to keep overnight at 5:00 pm. 5:30 pm I had a CT scan of my abdomen to make sure that everything was working right. I was finally given a room at 9:30 pm. That evening they gave me a "banana bag" IV which is like Gatorade with vitamins. Apparently it gets bubbles in the IV. I didn't sleep much because the alarm kept going off.
Wednesday: I was able to tolerate drinking even more. I actually ate broth at all three meals. A lot of progress as I had had nothing the day before (but still without hunger). In the morning they thought I actually might go home. My CT scan came back normal. The final diagnosis for the episode was that I had one of the side effects of the pain medication-nausea. Then I began to dehydrate which causes nausea. After they had changed my pain medication I was doing a lot better. My nurse came and in and told me that they wanted to keep another day to see if I was still doing well.
Thursday: I feel great. I am off all pain medication. I've been up since 2:30 am because they hung another banana bag. The buzzer was going off every 10 minutes. Why don't they do these during the day, I don't know. I just found out that I will be going home today. Yipee!

Whew! I hope that wasn't too much for you. I wanted to be as descriptive as possible for anyone considering bariatric surgery. You need to understand it's not a cake walk. Staying hydrated in your number 1 priority, especially since you can't just guzzle a 20 oz bottle of water in 2 minutes.

I am still really motivated.  I knew it would be a journey coming in to it. I was a little down yesterday. Mostly because I was sooooo bored. I hate being alone so I really wanted to be home. The rational side of me was quite happy that the medical staff was taking such care to make sure I would be good once I returned home.

Well it's now the moment you have all waited for. How much does she weigh?!? As a reminder, my start weight was 320 lbs. My new weight is 306.8 lbs!!!! I have lost a total of 13.2 lbs! Yay me! In case you're wondering, that's the weight I was on Monday before I got sick. I weighed in here at the hospital and I am the same weight.

I didn't think it would be so much so fast, but I am very pleased. I want to be 300 lbs by Nov 27 my 1 month surgery anniversary. Only 6.8 lbs to go for the month!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life!

Well folks the day is here-Surgery Day! I thought that I would have butterflies but to the contrary, I have such peace. Yesterday I was like a five year old on Christmas Eve, I wanted to hurry up and get to sleep so I could wake up. It's just so exciting! I stayed up pretty late last night getting the last minute things together for my family to be able to function without me. I'm sure I've forgot something but hubby is more than able to handle it.

I can't even explain how refreshing it is to have the support that everyone is giving. From prayers, to warm wishes, to asking if they can help out, I've really felt God's love through His people. Just think, I thought about doing this in silence. Just letting my inner circle know. I don't really know why either. There's no reason I should feel ashamed, yet I know that there are so many that do. I don't know how bariatric surgery is frowned upon by so many. Do I think it should be a last resort? Absolutely and once a person makes that decision I don't think they should feel like they are "cheating" at weight-loss. It's as if bariatric surgery is somehow a lesser form of weight loss. I don't think so. It takes the same will power and determination to stay at it.

I digress...it's about that time. Hubby and I are headed to the hospital. The procedure is from 9:00 am to 12:30 pm. If you think about me during that time, pray for me. Thanks! Below I've attached some before pictures. Feel free to take your time and say 'Good-bye' to the old Syree.
 

                                                        Before-Front                                                                                    Before-Side

A few days later...

So it's been a few days since my "big announcement" and honesty I am overwhelmed by the support. I went to an event the day after my last blog with many people that I knew had read it. At first I felt incredibly vulnerable, but I was greeted with such love and acceptance that, that original feeling soon faded. My hope is that in me sharing my journey, someone will be helped. This is not just for those considering bariatric surgery, but to motivate others to share their story. The bible says in Revelation 12:11 that they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony... Him being satan. It is our witness that motivates others to get through what they are going through. Inside of all of us lies what each of us needs. We just have to be willing to release it.

...and the journey begins!

I've always been successful at anything I've put my mind to. If I decide I want to do something, I work hard and I get it done. I want a great marriage. I work hard and am super intentional, therefore I have a great marriage. When I was working, I worked hard and would knock it out of the park. I work really hard to raise respectful children with good manners. My kids are great kids.  I wanted to be a homeowner, so I saved, got really disciplined and bought a house. Now I'm not saying all of this to be boastful. I know that I could not have done any of these things without Christ being the center of my life, but had I not done my part I wouldn't have gotten far at all.

With all of this success, I still struggle with my weight. It's the one thing that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get control over.  I can't even count how many journal entries I have that start with "This is it." Shortly lived, I get back into my old habits of eating the wrong things and not exercising. Now on top of all that I deal with several diagnosis: fibromyalgia, bursitis and arthritis. These things keeping me in terrible pain almost always. I fight through and go to spin class at 5 am and eat all the right things for the rest of the day. Then I wake up the following day and my body is angry with me. None of the pain meds work that will allow me to function throughout the day and I refuse to lay in the bed all day. So I push past it. This works for awhile until it gets unbearable and I have to lay in the bed. Feeling like a failure I almost always turn to food. My comfort.

This has become my pattern. So about 2 years ago I started to research bariatric surgery. At first I wasn't interested, thinking that this was just the easy way out. After my research I realized that it wasn't the easy way out at all. In fact, the only easy part was the surgery itself. After the surgery, was the hardest work ever! So I prayed and I asked God if he was cool with this (I mean I was reorganizing my piping). After I got His okay, my husband and I talked about it at length. He was also in full support. I went to therapy to change my thinking about food. Before I decided to do this I needed to get my mind ready for such a dramatic change. So after all of this I started the process of approval for the surgery 9 months ago. Fast-forward to today and I have been approved.

On October 27, (6 days) I will be having gastric-bypass surgery. I don't want it to be a secret, so what better way to get the word out then through a blog. I know some of you will say, "I don't think you should get it. Your so tall, you don't look like you need it. When I think of gastric bypass, I think of those really heavy people." Well, I have become one of those really heavy people. No matter what your shape is and how you appear to look to others, there is nothing like the sting of getting on a scale and it saying...320 lbs. That's my reality people and I've decided to do something about it...and the journey begins!!!!!

Oh Lawd, Carnival is gone!

No, I'm not talking about the actual carnival. I'm talking about the fish that we won at the carnival a little less than a month ago. You know the drill, throw the ping-pong ball into the little fish bowl and win a fish.  The kids were so excited about their first pet. We got a glass fish bowl, rocks, and even a little toy for the inside. They decided that their fish was a boy and his name would be Carnival. 

Yesterday, Christopher thought it would be a good idea to feed Carnival by himself. While everyone was in the kitchen, he dumped 3/4 of the fish food in the tank. It was a hot "murky" mess. Luckily, a friend had just bought them a new tank with a filter. We quickly got Carnival out of his old tank and into the new one. Everyone was happy. "Lord please don't let Carnival die," was the short prayer I said.

Well, this morning my children woke up to Carnival stuck behind the filter no longer swimming. Gabrielle, devastated (and probably secretly blaming her brother) laid on the couch crying. Olivia was next to come downstairs an announce to me, "Carnival is dead!" You would have thought hurricane Irene had come back with the flood of tears. Nothing could have made it worse than their little brother proclaiming around the house, "Carnival is dead. He's dead right NOW!" He sounded like a little picketer wanting better wages. Christopher was not fazed at all. He even asked if we were going to Wal-mart to get another fish.

I carefully scooped Carnival out and laid him on a paper towel. I called the girls in to say their last good-bye. It really felt like I was at a wake. The girls were so emotional. After looking at Carnival for a few seconds, Gabrielle (in her best Academy performance) put her hands over her mouth and ran upstairs crying uncontrollably. I taught the kids a short lesson in life and death and flushed Carnival. The kids went on to make their breakfast and life continues at the Williams house. 

R.I.P Carnival. Gone but not forgotten.

What is a "Real" Housewife?

The other day I was watching a popular show called the Real Housewives of New York. After watching it for awhile, I became a little uneasy. Maybe I should say the candid phrase I often use: "I felt some kind of way."

These women called themselves housewives but never did any housework. As a housewife, I take pride in keeping my home, spending time with my children and taking care of my husband. The show leads you to believe that in order to be a "real" housewife you have to be this socialite, gossip with friends about friends and spend a lot of money. Yes, I know it's entertainment. Will I watch again? Yes. I'm just hoping that woman aren't getting caught up in the hype of the lifestyles of the rich and famous.  I hope that there is not a small feeling inside that wishes for that life.

From what is shown on the show, most of their lives are empty. They're really not happy with their life. They are spending their entire existence trying to convince everyone that they are. Everyone is trying to keep up with everyone. When "everyone" really wants everyone to just RELAX!
 
I believe the "Real Housewife" can be found in Proverbs 31. She's a woman that has character. Her husband trusts and believes in her. She doesn't talk badly about him, but on the contrary lifts him up always. She wakes early before her family to set everything in place. She ensures that they have everything they need to start their day off right. She's a business woman that uses her earning to better her family. She gives to the needy. She's a woman that knows what to say and when silence is needed. But most of all she loves the Lord.

Intimidating? I'd say. This chick rocks! But I'd aspire to be her any day. She is the picture of the model housewife. Instead of being highlighted, nowadays she's overlooked. Our current culture has skewed the awesome role of housewife to a subserviant maid and daycare provider. Not so! This is THE BEST job I've ever had and I'm awesome at it because this is what I was made to do. Arrogant? No, I'm a REAL Housewife.

The Nieces Are Here!!!

Last Friday I drove to the Eastern Shore and picked up my 3 nieces. They will be staying with us for the next 2 weeks. Leading up to their visit there was such a buzz in the house. Everyone was anticipating the arrival of "the cousins." Admittedly, I was just as excited as the kids. I love when family gets together.

Having 6 kids instead of 3 is not as difficult as one might expect. Each child has a cousin that is really close in age, so everyone has a buddy. The oldest 2 are really motherly, so they help out a lot. What I am finding is, these little people can eat! One breakfast equals a whole box of waffles gone. My kids are really enjoying the extra help with their chores and my nieces are enjoying helping them.

Today we had a big meal where I had to pull out the extra leafs for the table. The kids excitedly set the table. We had a great dinner while discussing what everyone learned in VBS. These are the moments I live for. Making memories...

Surprise! I got you exactly what you wanted.

Have you ever received something from someone that may have been nice, but really wasn't what you wanted? You gave the normal, "Oh...thank you" while at the same time thinking, "they really don't know me." This gets especially awkward when it's your spouse.

My husband's birthday is coming up in August and I know exactly what to get him. It's not because we have been married for 12 years and I know him so well. It's not because I have been paying extra attention to hear what he's wanting. I do not have psychic powers. So how do I know what to get him? He told me and I bought it.

You see we created a book of gifts. Half of the book is mine and the other half is his. When either of us thinks of something that we might want as a gift, we write it in the book. When a special occasion comes around, we look in the book and pick from the items that are listed. All the guess work is gone. Now I love surprises, so one might say "that's no fun," but it is. My list may have 20 items so I have no idea which one he'll choose. What I do know is I will be pleased with what he gets for me.

I've learned that while I get so excited with surprises, my husband is more excited with receiving what he wants. For a while in our marriage, I would strike out in the gift giving department. I would give him things that made me excited. When he got it I would get the "Oh...thanks." This would cause conflict because I wanted him to be as excited as I was. He just wanted to receive what he wanted. So what's the easiest way to know what to get? Ask!

I hear so many women talking about their upcoming occasions and the hope that their spouse will get them what they want. When asked if they told him what they wanted, I get the statement "He should know what I want." This my friends is a set up for failure. A husband getting his wife what she wants because she told him, doesn't make the gift any less special. I get the best gifts and the best surprises because I write it down. My hubby has a map to my happiness.

I hate the word busy!

You've heard it before, "It's been so long since I've seen you." "Oh, you know, I've been so busy." We live in a day in age when every bit of our time is accounted for. We have our iPad and iPhone calendars synchronized so that we don't miss a beat. We're taking the kids from one activity to the next. There are doctor appointments, meetings, church activities and the list goes on. Some days we may not even see our loved ones. At the end of it all we say is, "Whew, I am busy."

Since I've gone back to being a stay-at-home mom, I've realized that it wasn't the word "busy" that I hated. I hated not being able to put my kids to bed every night. I hated not having the energy to read that bed time story. I hated not remembering the last time I had a day with absolutely no plans. I hated the rushed kiss good morning and good-bye to my husband. I hated not seeing my Dad for 6 months. After apologizing for the gap I hated hearing him say, "It's okay. I know you're busy."

So now that I'm home, I'm happy to say that "I am busy." I'm busy painting my daughters' toenails. I'm busy dating my husband. I'm busy building a fort out of sheets with my son. I'm busy making whales out of tuna fish sandwiches. I'm busy krumping and literally making my kids laugh out loud. I'm busy watching the neighborhood kids play with our slip n' slide.

While my decision to refocus brought me to becoming a stay-at-home mom, yours may be an intentional family night once a week. It may be scheduling a lunch with a friend. The point is to be busy with the things that make you smile...oh...oh...oh.

Respect! What He wants, baby you got it!

I am often complimented on how well my husband treats me. Women and men alike tell me how they admire how he openly expresses his love for me. If you ask him, he'll attribute it all to being a respected man. I show him respect and he shows me love. It's that simple.

Wives I urge you to respect your husband at all costs. Yes, even if he's not acting like he "deserves" your respect. If you find it hard to respect him, respect the role of husband. No matter how you look at it, he holds the huge responsibility of answering to God for the entire family. As an example, everyone may not be pleased with the job of the President, but if the President enters the room everyone stands out of respect. You may not agree with the President's decisions, but you respect the office of President.

If you still are having a hard time with that, read Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) and do it because...God said. I guarantee that if you respect your husband no matter what, he will become the man that God designed him to be.

The Fun Has Arrived!!!!!!

Well, after continued urging from my friends, I finally started my blog. I can check something off of my bucket list!  My name is Syree and this blog will be a collection of my thoughts. Some will be very thought provoking, while others will be quite random.

I am a fun-loving, country-girl at heart. I love to laugh and I enjoy people. My approach can be a bit straight-forward at times, but you'll get used to that. It's all in love! I have come to a point in my life where I am okay with being me. That can be weird, quirky and even a bit clumsy but I'm sure to make you smile and have fun while doing it.

I love my husband and children, so you will hear about them often.

I truly have a passion for marriage and family. I believe that marriage shouldn't be ordinary, but one that is full of passion, love and trust. Parenting is also important to me. I count it a privilege to be given the awesome task of guiding these little people into the men and women that God has called them to be.

I am an unashamed Christian. I will be sharing a lot of who Christ is to me.  My hope is that as I open my life up to you, you will gain something that will help you in this journey called life (even if it's only a quick laugh).